Whether to forgive is each person's own call, and I'd be slow to judge anyone who stays. But there's one mistake that makes the choice meaningless: staying without trusting.
“Can you forgive cheating?”
That’s the question people send me in DMs all the time. Co-hosts on podcasts and interviews ask it constantly too.
My answer: forgiving or not forgiving is each person’s own choice.
Only you can decide what kind of life you want, and who you want it with.
For some people, infidelity is a red line — after it there will never again be trust or emotional closeness. In that case it makes sense to end the relationship and try with someone else.
But there’s also a percentage of people who, even after being cheated on, want to try to save the family.
And I would be in no rush to judge those people or accuse them of being spineless.
The Bible says: “Judge not, that ye be not judged.”
Many women have told me how much they love their husband, love their children, loved the life they had before the betrayal. They desperately want that life back and want to do everything in their power to get it.
Every person decides for themselves how they want to live, and that is entirely their right.
I’ll only note that it’s a bad idea to stay together after infidelity while not trusting the person you love. Many people think the guilty party now has to earn forgiveness and trust — to earn a second chance through their actions and restore their reputation.
But as long as you don’t trust someone, you aren’t building an emotional connection with them, you’re simply losing your time. If you can give a person a second chance, it’s better to give a real one than to sort-of “trust” them.
And if you can’t forgive and move forward, it’s better to admit that honestly and let the other person go. I have yet to see a happy relationship without 100% trust. If you’ve seen one somewhere, write to me.
What do you think? Can infidelity be forgiven? And is it worth it?