Life turns up the pressure exactly where we are least adequate. The first signals are gentle — but the deeper you sleep, the harder you get woken.
“The deeper you sleep, the harder they wake you.”
I heard this line recently, and I think it demonstrates an important principle very simply:
“Life increases its impact on us in the area of our greatest inadequacy.”
For example, we don’t want to learn how to build a relationship. We decide that our wife is “just being emotional” and that she will calm down later. We are focused on other areas of life and we work a lot. And then, at some point, we hear: “I want a divorce.”
Or another example. We eat whatever we want, whenever we want and as much as we want. We put on weight — but hey, there should be more of a good person! In short, we deny ourselves nothing, right up until a doctor names a serious diagnosis that changes the whole shape of our life.
Or we decide that financial literacy is nonsense. Something theoretical, only for organised people. As a result, we fight the same money problems year after year. A permanent minus on the credit card and constant stress.
Personally, I believe God created this world. But if you are an atheist or an agnostic, then let it simply be called “life” for you. And life is a very good teacher. It walks us through different circumstances and situations to teach us the things we need but don’t want to grow in. From what I have seen, the signals are always gentle and small at first, but the more closed off and hard-headed we are, the stronger they get.
Let’s look at a relationship as an example:
- Your wife gently hints that she is missing your attention. She suggests going somewhere together.
- She asks you to put your phone down and just tell her how you are doing.
- She says outright that you barely talk any more and are drifting apart.
- She insists that at least one day a week belongs to the family.
- She starts raising her voice and getting irritated, because she doesn’t feel loved.
- She argues and shouts.
- In the heat of yet another conflict she says coldly: “We already live like flatmates.”
- She suggests going to a psychologist or a counsellor.
- She moves out to figure herself out.
- She files for divorce.
Most difficult situations in our life develop gradually. The more closed off we are to the problem (the deeper we sleep), the more painful its impact becomes (the harder they wake us).
And this applies to every area of our life, not only relationships, health or money.
The good news is that we can actively step into solving the problem when we hear the first gentle warning bells, instead of waiting for a bucket of ice water on the head to wake us up.
Are there situations in your life where you don’t want to wake up?
Which problems keep reminding you of themselves and getting worse over time?
Want to go deeper?
Reading helps, but what changes a life is specific steps, not reading. Fifty minutes of conversation is usually enough to see which steps are yours.
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