Nobody is surprised when a driver who never took a lesson keeps crashing. So why do we expect a happy family without spending a single hour learning how relationships work?
People often come to my consultations already intending to divorce. One person in the couple (sometimes both) has decided they are not right for each other and that there is no point continuing the relationship.
I sometimes give them this example.
Imagine you have never spent a single hour in driving school, nobody ever taught you to drive, you don’t know a single road sign — and yet you decide to drive every day.
What will that lead to?
Constant accidents and permanent stress on the road. Makes sense, right?
Nobody is surprised that a person with no driving experience will keep creating problems for themselves and for everyone else on the road.
So why do we think that, without spending even a few hours learning how to build a relationship, we will somehow build a happy family?
It simply isn’t logical. Building a happy family is far harder than mastering the art of driving a car.
Yet with no preparation at all we get straight behind the wheel (we start a relationship), without understanding how the car works (without knowing the psychology of the person we love), and we pull out onto a road we cannot read (our family runs into all sorts of circumstances).
Naturally, a lack of knowledge and experience in how to build a relationship leads to constant fights (traffic accidents) and often ends in separation (a fatal crash).
That’s why I teach. Beyond the fact that it pays well, this work carries real meaning and real benefit.
We help people learn to build relationships that bring joy instead of pain.
Our online school runs a program called “Healthy Relationships.” It’s my best collection of “traffic rules” for a couple.
We work on understanding “how the car is built” so that you can genuinely understand the logic and motivation of the person you love.
We don’t just study the theory sitting in the “driving school” — we practice driving too. There are daily practical assignments for a couple, and they really do change the relationship.
If you become a good “driver,” almost any car will get you to your destination — a happy family life.
But if a person can’t drive and doesn’t want to learn, then even swapping three or four cars won’t bring them any closer to what they want.
No matter how many times you divorce, if you don’t understand how to build a relationship, the next marriage may meet exactly the same fate.
That’s why I see the sense in going to driving school once and then enjoying the ride, instead of white-knuckling it every day and waiting for the tow truck on a regular basis.
Do you agree that the “driver’s” skill matters enormously?
P.S. I’m not comparing the person we love to a car. It’s just a metaphor to make the point clear.
Articles do not fix relationships
Texts give you understanding, but your situation is always more specific than any text. Fifty minutes is usually enough to see where the problem actually starts.
Talk through your situation
