Rudeness, inattention and neglect — five mistakes men make that one day end with a husband hearing the words: I'm leaving you.
In the previous post we talked about how a woman’s resentment keeps her from building a happy relationship with a man. Today we talk about what gives rise to that resentment in the first place.
1. When a woman is in a relationship, she needs to feel loved and wanted. That state is only possible when a man’s attention is on his wife. I am not talking about all 24 hours of the day. I am saying that in every single day you have to find time — even half an hour — to give your wife properly.
If men simply sat down and talked with their women, 90% of family problems would never appear at all, purely because of good conversation.
2. If a man’s work, his plans, his ideas and his projects come first, he will sacrifice his family for them.
On a Saturday he will want to go to the office instead of spending that time with his family.
Plenty of psychologists say a man’s priorities go: himself first, then his work, then his wife. I observe a great many families, and I have yet to meet a single woman who was happy with a husband whose priorities looked like that.
Men, imagine your wife considers her job more important than you, and that she is always ready to sacrifice your interests for the next career or financial opportunity. Would you be happy with her?
That is why I champion the idea that a successful man is a happy wife.
Many men do not realise that work always was, is and will be there, while a marriage can be destroyed by a handful of bad decisions. Often that realisation arrives only after the divorce.
What makes it even more absurd is that many men diving headfirst into workaholism can still say, “I’m doing all of this for my family.” That is like shooting yourself in the leg for your health.
3. Some men disregard the feelings of the woman they love. It looks like this: she tries to talk to him and tell him something bad is happening, and he simply waves the conversation away.
Problems and grievances pile up, irritation grows. Then the emotions explode and the marriage is on the edge.
A great many families would not have fallen apart if the man had been willing to genuinely listen to his wife and pay attention to how she was doing.
4. During sharp conflicts with their woman, some men start looking at other women. First it is supposedly “harmless pornography”, then light flirting with someone at work, and then a mistress is not far off. If men truly understood the price of an affair, they would never walk into one.
Staying faithful matters even when you and your wife are going through a family storm. It is, above all, self-respect. Your wife may never learn about the affair, but you still have to look at yourself in the mirror somehow.
5. Some men treat their wife as a business partner. Everything is 50/50. These duties are mine, those are yours. I bring in this much money, you bring in that much. I do this, you do that.
Fairness looks attractive to a lot of people at the start of a relationship, but in practice the family turns into sheer hell. One person fails to deliver their half of the “partnership agreement”, and the other starts taking revenge and “restoring fairness”.
When a man sees his wife as a partner, he can calmly leave her alone with the difficulties and challenges that fall on the far side of his responsibility.
For example, the household is on the woman, and so is raising the children. And on the man is earning money, logistics and the material base. Then, when the wife wants to talk about how hard it is with two small children, the answer she gets is: “It’s hard for me at work too, but you don’t hear me whining.”
That is fairness and a partnership arrangement in action.
If you want to make your family happier, remove every hint of fairness from it. There will be none in this world anyway. Only when people stand in a covenant of “for better, for worse”, only when love and forgiveness cover a multitude of mistakes — only in relationships like that is there happiness.
There are plenty of other male failings, but rudeness, inattention and neglect are, in my view, the main reasons so many men hear the words “I’m leaving you”.
Do you agree that mistakes like these on the man’s side kill a relationship from the inside?
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