Money, children, roles at home, conflict, intimacy. Ten conversations better had before the wedding than after it.
1. What are our long-term goals?
What does each of us want to achieve in life? How do our goals line up with each other?
2. What is our vision of a shared future?
Where do we see ourselves in 5, 10, 20 years? Do our pictures of family life match?
3. How do we plan to divide financial responsibilities?
How will we handle the budget, the spending, the investing? Will we have one shared budget or separate ones?
4. How do we feel about children?
Do we want children? If so, how many and when? How will we raise them? Is it acceptable to you to hit a child for a serious offence?
5. How will we resolve conflicts?
What approaches to settling disputes does each of us consider acceptable? Should either of us apologise when we don’t believe we’re at fault? Do you let go of a grievance easily?
6. What are our expectations about roles in the family?
What responsibilities is each of us willing to take on? How do we picture the division of everyday duties? Should a woman contribute to the family budget on equal terms with a man?
7. What are our expectations of our intimate life?
How do we each feel about physical closeness? How will we keep romance alive in the relationship? How often would you like us to have sex?
8. How will we keep a balance between personal life and shared life?
What interests does each of us want to hold on to?
9. What are our spiritual and moral values?
How do we relate to religion? Do our values line up?
10. How do we see the role of family and friends in our life?
How do we plan to stay connected with our families? What place will our friends have in our shared life? Can our parents influence our decisions in any way?