Social media makes it look like everything is always fine with me. It isn't. Right now I'm walking through hundreds of small cuts and disappointments.
In this blog I’m used to sharing useful things and my own experience. If you’ve been following me for a while, you might get the impression that I’m some kind of robot. Like a factory that endlessly produces educational content.
Social media makes it look like everything is always fine with me. It isn’t. Like anyone else, I go through different stretches of the road. Right now it’s a hard stretch.
Sometimes you run into one big problem that throws you back emotionally. And sometimes there is no single big problem — there are a thousand small cuts.
Right now I’m walking through hundreds of those cuts and disappointments. On its own, none of them is a big problem, but when there are dozens and hundreds, your life starts to feel grey and unhappy.
When I look at some of the decisions our government makes, when I talk with soldiers every week, when I run into human greed and stupidity in business, when I see the indifference of our healthcare system, when I watch people behave dishonestly and think only about today — all of it makes me sad.
I know perfectly well (and I often say it to other people) that we live in an imperfect world with neither justice nor common sense. I see how many people are prone to self-destruction and don’t think about tomorrow at all.
Sometimes my attempts to change something in my own life and in other people’s lives feel like a pointless fight with windmills. You spend a pile of energy, effort and time, and in fact you’re just swinging your arms at the air.
I suppose I used to have more energy and enthusiasm, and now I’m starting to realise, with some sadness, that I’m not a robot. I need pauses and breathing room. Sometimes I feel down, and then I scold myself for letting some minor thing ruin my mood and drag me onto a low emotional wave.
If I look at my life as a whole, it’s actually good: a happy relationship with my wife, work I love, health, certain financial opportunities, faith in God, a good team, and many other wonderful things.
I’m learning to value that and be grateful for all of it. But when one tooth hurts, it’s hard in that moment to be glad that the other 31 aren’t bothering you. It’s the same now: the things that hurt and upset me take up most of my attention.
So I’ll allow myself to sit in this state for a bit, and I hope I’ll surface from it soon.
And how do you get through the difficult stretches of your road? How do you deal with sadness and apathy?