Doubts before a wedding are a normal state — you truly don't know your partner or yourself yet. The dangerous part is self-deception while you're still dating.
Someone once said that we believe with the heart and doubt with the mind.
And that’s normal.
We’re taking a very important step and we can get it badly wrong. Because in truth we don’t really know the person — we’re buying “a cat in a bag”.
Almost every married couple I’ve talked to told me that at the time of the wedding they had very little idea what their relationship and their family would actually turn out to be.
Some things in marriage far exceed people’s expectations, and other things, on the contrary, disappoint.
And it isn’t only about the person you love. Very often we know ourselves so poorly at the moment we start a family that many of our own reactions and decisions inside the marriage come as a complete surprise to us.
That’s why the future family will very rarely look exactly the way we picture it before the wedding.
So doubts at the stage of preparing for the wedding are an absolutely normal thing. Self-deception at the dating stage, however, is a deeply destructive one.
If we think that after the wedding the person we love will change, will fix themselves, will stop doing something — or that you’ll motivate them and be able to change them — that is a huge illusion.
Anyone who has been married a long time will confirm that the idea we can change the person we love is nothing more than a rose-tinted expectation.
That’s why naivety before the wedding turns into tears after it.
Doubting before the wedding is a logical and natural state. Self-deception, though, can cost you monstrously.
Do you agree with the idea that we can’t change the person we love?
And did you have doubts before your wedding?
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