Two people in the same room, emotionally miles apart. Why it happens and four principles that keep loneliness out of a marriage.
In many families people are physically in the same room but emotionally far away from each other.
When the person you love doesn’t hear you and doesn’t want to understand you, that’s one of the hardest scenarios, and such a relationship can be difficult to save.
Almost everyone is certain that they are the open one who hears the other perfectly well — it’s him, or her, who’s closed off and can’t see the obvious…
In practice, the moment one person in the relationship truly understands the other, the conflict is over.
But most people argue about the same things over and over and pile up resentment and disappointment.
Some men often behave like offended children and “punish” their wives with coldness, indifference, distance.
They leave them alone with all kinds of problems and think they’re teaching their women a lesson. Something like, “let’s see how you dig yourself out of this without me… then you’ll appreciate my help.”
Sheer stupidity.
Women, too, sometimes shout in the heat of an argument: “if I’m going to earn on my own, raise the child on my own and handle the household on my own, then what do I even need you for?”
Naturally, faced with that kind of criticism, a man feels like an ATM and a doorman, and pulls away from his wife even further.
That’s why I keep telling my clients in consultations: don’t sort out your relationship at the peak of emotion. Your words will hit the other person, even if you’re right on the substance. Truth without love only wounds.
I get a lot of messages saying one of the spouses said something harsh during a fight and now can’t fix the situation, because the person they love took offence and shut down.
So, to keep loneliness out of your family, it’s better to work from a few important principles:
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The person you love isn’t your enemy. The two of you are against the problem, not against each other.
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We can be wrong in this situation too. It’s easy to see the speck in someone else’s eye; the plank in our own is usually transparent.
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If the person we love “doesn’t hear” and “doesn’t understand” us, maybe we don’t know how to communicate properly. After all, other people they somehow do hear and understand.
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It matters to be right not only in substance but also in tone. You can say the right things in the wrong key.
Have you ever felt lonely while being in a relationship?
Articles do not fix relationships
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