One of the main reasons people cheat is the search for novelty. But everything they look for elsewhere can be built inside their own marriage, if even part of that effort goes there.
Why do people cheat on each other?
One of the main reasons is the search for novelty.
People often come to my consultations who are cheating on their spouse, explaining it by saying that sex has become routine and uninteresting.
First the ordinary conversation and the interest in each other disappeared from the relationship, and then the intimate life faded out too.
Outside the marriage a person is looking for new impressions, new experience, a chance to feel desired and loved.
I explain to my clients that all of this can be found at home.
Your husband or wife, with the right approach, can be an interesting partner for you — if you set that as a goal and are willing to grow in this area.
The energy a person spends on meeting someone new, flirting, lying, seducing, arranging secret meetings, is enormous.
If even 10% of that effort went into rebuilding the emotional connection, and then the intimacy, with your own husband or wife, the result would be far better.
When we stay faithful, we can respect ourselves. With our partner, every day we keep building on what we managed to build yesterday. It’s like a house, where the wall goes up brick by brick.
An affair is a temporary structure that stands until the first gust of an argument or a misunderstanding. And while a person is in it, they’re risking their family.
Yes, it gives the effect of novelty: no accumulated grievances, no stress, everything is interesting, there’s an element of play. But the price for that experience is brutal, and often impossible to undo.
Even if the person we love never finds out, we can no longer respect ourselves or look ourselves in the eye without serious psychological — and sometimes spiritual — recovery.
So everything a person goes looking for on the side can be found in the relationship with their own husband or wife.
The grass is greener on the neighbor’s lawn for a very short while.
If you start learning how to build a relationship, if you start growing in matters of intimacy (not by watching porn), if you learn to speak honestly and to hear what the person you love is saying — you can build a happy relationship.
Do you agree that even a very difficult relationship can be saved, purely by how much work the couple puts in?