Ten questions that help you read the motives of the man you are dating. Ask them not head-on, but at the right moment in the right conversation.
How do you get a better read on the man you are dating?
If you are not entirely sure about his intentions, you can put a set of questions to him that may help you understand his motives better.
Of course, a dishonest man can lie brazenly while answering them. But if you carefully compare his answers with what he actually does every day, you will see a fairly accurate picture.
It is best to ask these questions not head-on, but at the right time, in the right place and in a fitting part of the conversation:
1. What do you dislike most about your day? Which tasks and obligations weigh on you emotionally? Here you will see what he is willing to put up with and tolerate. His baseline of what counts as normal.
2. Are you saving up for anything? What was the last big thing you bought yourself with money you had put aside? This immediately shows you his level of financial literacy, his discipline and the scale of his ambitions.
3. Which habits are you failing to build? And which ones are actually helping you right now? Broadly, you can tell whether he is growing as a person or standing still.
4. Where do you see yourself in 5–10 years? If a man has no vision of the future, life with him will be hard.
5. Which books and seminars do you like? What insights have you had recently? Which ideas are you turning over in your head? If he is closed off to education and new knowledge, then on every single issue you will be pushing through a solid wall of defensiveness and pride. The best men are students, ready to keep learning their whole lives.
6. How do you feel about me? Who am I to you as of today? If he is genuinely serious about you, he will not be afraid to say so openly.
7. How do you feel about children? Watch not only his answer, but his real reactions to other people’s children in everyday life.
8. What is your relationship with your parents like? Parents come in all kinds, and some of them are difficult people. But if he was unable to build any relationship with them at all and has no respect for them, be careful. For a long time they were the closest people in his life.
9. What would you like to change about our relationship? If he honestly says what he does not like about you and about himself, he is a good candidate. If he says “everything’s fine” while there is tension and frequent fighting between you, then he is not striving for a harmonious life as a couple — he is ready to simply adapt and endure what he dislikes.
10. Do you see a future for us together? If so, what does it look like? This is essentially the most important question. Whether you stay together depends on whether you see a shared future and what that future looks like. If he has no vision, the honourable role of family leader will most likely fall to you.
Perhaps not all of these questions will feel right for you — pick the few that will sound natural in your conversation. Do not be afraid to ask about serious things. A person is either ready for responsibility or they are not. The sooner you find out, the better for you.
Do you find questions like these useful when choosing a life partner? What questions would you add to the list?
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