Three things that quietly destroy the emotional bond in a family and push couples towards divorce. Plus the question I ask myself before any fight.
In my previous post I wrote about 3 reasons why everything in a relationship can go cold.
Now let’s talk about further threats that can lead to divorce:
1. Selfishness. When one person in the family starts pulling the blanket hard onto their own side and taking advantage of their partner’s kindness, the emotional bond weakens.
It’s very hard to keep loving your husband (wife) if you’re simply being used.
So if we want our family to be happy, we have to learn to care for the person we love and to put their needs first.
(Hello to everyone who preaches “First comes me, then my work, then my wife!”)
2. Pride. Very often a person can’t forgive the husband (wife) they love, because the snake of pride whispers to them: “You deserve to be treated differently! Nobody can treat you like that! If you forgive this now, he (she) will keep wiping their feet on you…”
Not only does unforgiveness lie as a heavy burden on the one who took offence — pride also pushes that person to carry the weight for as long as possible and to wait for their partner to come crawling with an apology.
Of course there are situations where one person in the family does something stupid and violates your boundaries. Then you need to be able to defend those boundaries and set certain standards for acceptable behaviour in the family. But holding a grudge against the other person only does harm here. It has never taught anyone anything.
3. Pettiness. Even living with a perfect person, if you want to, you’ll always find something to pick at. And since we ourselves and the people we love are far from perfect, there have always been and will always be plenty of reasons for arguments and complaints.
When my eye or my ear catches on something in my relationship with Nastya, I ask myself a simple question: “Is this situation worth the good climate in my family? Am I ready to fight about it right now and burn my nerves?” In 999 situations out of 1000 the answer is unambiguous — “No. It isn’t!” A light character suits a person.
The one who gives way and smooths the corners is the wiser one, not the weaker one. If at least one person in the family stays conscious, then conflict simply has no room. Water puts out any fire. Being water pays off. When you’re in the state of water, you have a happy family.
Do you agree that feelings leave because of things like this? What else destroys a family from the inside?
Continued in We Value Strangers More Than Family.
Articles do not fix relationships
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