On early dates we hang on every word. Six years later we sit across from each other staring at our phones. Why neglect kills a relationship fastest.
One of the main reasons relationships fall apart is neglect and inattention towards the other person.
When we’ve only just started dating, we show a high level of attention to the person we love. We anticipate the smallest wishes and hints.
On our first dates we listen to each other with full focus. We think about how they’ll get home in the evening and ask them to text us “I’m home” when they arrive.
We genuinely want to know the person deeply and we look for every possible way to make our boyfriend (or girlfriend) happy.
And then we’re a family. Sometimes 6 weeks go by, or 6 months, or 6 years, and we’re sitting across from each other, each buried in our own phone. We’re no longer interested in the person we love. We’ve got used to this relationship and we no longer try to make the other person happy.
An amazing thing. When we’re only getting to know someone and they’re still a stranger to us (we could lose them over one small quarrel), we try and we make an effort. We do everything so that the person beside us feels genuinely good.
But once that man (or woman) has become our life partner, we relax and make room for neglect. Once our husband (or wife) is the closest and dearest person on the whole planet, that’s who meets the worst of our selfishness and stupidity.
We no longer listen as attentively, we no longer try to bring the other person joy, we no longer speak politely and respectfully.
It turns out we value strangers more than the people closest to us…
But the good news is this: the moment we consciously decide to care for the person we love and to make them happy, our relationship moves to a completely different level.
It doesn’t matter how modest that attention looks today: you simply went to the park for some candy floss, or bought your husband’s (wife’s) favourite drink on the way home, or helped them with something.
Your attention will warm the person you love, and there’s a good chance that in return you’ll be warmed by rays of kindness and gratitude coming back to you.
Do you agree that neglect kills everything in a relationship?
The series starts with Why Does Love Leave a Relationship? and Selfishness, Pride, and Pettiness.
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