In family life, what matters most is character, habits, inner values and worldview. Appearance plays a part, but not the deciding one.
“We sleep with the body, but we live with the soul.”
The way I see it, the most important things in family life are our character, our habits, our inner values and our picture of the world.
How we look plays a certain role too, but I’m not convinced it’s the main or deciding one.
Of course, when we’re first meeting someone with a relationship in mind, appearance matters a great deal, and we’re unlikely to start dating someone we don’t find attractive.
But as family life goes on, how our partner looks becomes secondary.
Because however striking someone’s appearance may be, our relationship will depend on the beauty and harmony of our inner world — ours and our partner’s.
I like a line from Filipp Savochka’s book Family From A to Z:
“Even the most beautiful wrapper is in our hands for only a few minutes, while its contents work on us for hours — either nourishing us or poisoning us.”
I’m certainly not saying appearance means nothing at all. It means something. It’s just that what our marriage turns out to be depends first and foremost not on that, but on the inner qualities and characteristics of the couple.
So it makes a great deal of sense to work on yourself and your character. To develop your emotional intelligence. To read books, watch educational videos and seminars. To learn to listen to and understand the person you love. To strive to do everything so that the person beside you is happy.
Do you agree that a person’s inner qualities shape their family life more than the way they look?