Yesterday's claim sparked arguments, so here is a fuller explanation of why the 50/50 model burns out the emotional bond between a man and a woman.
Yesterday I wrote a post saying that a woman’s happiness lies in freedom from responsibility.
That text set off heated discussion and argument. Some people wrote that irresponsibility suits nobody and that the wording wasn’t a good one. Predictably, many men wrote that this approach to relationships isn’t fair.
It makes sense to explain in more detail what I mean.
From my point of view, stress is destructive for a woman.
The fewer problems a man solves and the more financial pressure lands on a woman, the unhappier she is.
Over the last 2 years I’ve had the chance to hold more than 400 one-on-one conversations with different people. Some were married couples, some were individuals.
And in 100% of the cases in my practice I see the same picture: the more “switched on” the man is and the more active his stance in life, the happier the woman beside him.
Some men wrote yesterday that what they look for first in a partner is exactly that — a partner. So that everything in the relationship is fair, 50% and 50%.
In that model I have never seen a happy relationship, or even a merely normal one. That approach brings nothing but grief.
Fairness and partnership burn out the emotional bond between a man and a woman like napalm. Let me explain why.
The moment one of the two breaks the unspoken 50/50 contract, the other side feels the injustice and starts taking on the role of judge, punishing the “offender” by whatever means are available: withdrawal, coldness, resentment, indifference.
That is why I hold to the idea that the man is the head of the family and that the main responsibility and the main stress rest on him. A man is stronger and copes with external challenges and problems more easily than a woman.
Yes, to many men this position seems unfair. But if you want a happy woman beside you, you should focus on becoming a leader and an authority for her, rather than playing the judge or the young man aggrieved by injustice.
The judge is forever presenting claims: “Where’s your 50% of the rent? I work 8 hours a day — how many hours do you put in? We’re partners, everything should be 50/50.”
Do you think a normal woman can relax next to a judge, and can she respect him in any way at all?
Yesterday people also wrote to me that if a man takes on the main load, the woman will relax, put her feet up and slide into an infantile position.
I’d bet that such things were written by men who have never taken care of the women they love.
The moment a woman feels that she is genuinely loved, protected, provided for, listened to and valued, her own behaviour will mirror that. She will do everything to make you a happy husband.
I’m not asking you to believe my ideas. I’m suggesting you test them in practice. Many people who believe in fairness and partnership are already living in hell and fighting constantly. If you want a happy family, it makes sense to try acting differently.
In this case that means dropping these harmful concepts entirely and focusing on how exactly you can make the person you love happy.
The result may surprise you a great deal.
Do you agree with the idea that beside a strong man a woman becomes not infantile, but rather driven to make him happy in return?
Articles do not fix relationships
Texts give you understanding, but your situation is always more specific than any text. Fifty minutes is usually enough to see where the problem actually starts.
Talk through your situation
