What If Something Happens to Her Man?

"But what if he loses his income or you split up?" My answer to the main argument against a woman carrying no financial responsibility.

“A woman needs to earn her own money! What if something happens to her man, or they split up?!”

Messages and comments like this are coming in right now in response to my recent post about a woman’s happiness lying in freedom from responsibility.

My argument is simple: the more a woman is loaded with external stress — financial stress included — the unhappier she is, and the harder it becomes for her to build a relationship with a man.

Some people answer me with this: “And what if the man suddenly loses his income, or they break up? What is she supposed to do then?”

Here’s my answer.

Personally, I believe a woman somehow survived before marriage too. She wasn’t living in a cardboard box under a bridge. She presumably went to work and sorted out her own financial matters, because there was no man in her life.

If (God forbid) this relationship ends in a break-up, she’ll be able to find a job again and start taking care of herself on her own. There will be no catastrophe.

On top of that, what I’m against is specifically work you DON’T love for small money. If a woman in a relationship does work she LOVES and earns from it, I’m all for it with both hands.

My Nastya currently runs online sessions as a gestalt therapist, and this work brings her both joy and money. It also supports her self-realisation.

Some men have written to me saying they send their wives out to work because, in the event of their own untimely death, she’ll be able to provide for the family and the children.

I apologise to everyone for writing about such a scenario, but we live in a world where people die every day, and not by their own choice.

It seems to me that risks like this can be covered hundreds of times more easily, without sending a woman into hard, stressful work for a small salary.

A man can simply buy himself an endowment life insurance policy, and then, in case of an unforeseen force majeure, his family receives a very large payout.

I bought myself such a policy as soon as Nastya and I got married, and if anything happens my family will receive about 1 million hryvnias (roughly 25 thousand dollars) in insurance. Obviously it won’t bring me back to them, but it will at least let them not think about money for a while.

I keep talking about a woman being free of responsibility because I have 3-4 conversations with different people every single day.

I see how hard a relationship can be when a woman is OBLIGED to think about money, and how much easier everything becomes when the man takes that responsibility on himself.

So if we want to have a good relationship, it’s worth occupying the roles that are natural for us.

A man is: a provider, a friend, a priest (protector) and a lover.

A woman is: a friend, a helper and a lover.

With this distribution of roles, the relationship will be harmonious.

Do you agree with the idea that financial stress is extremely destructive for a woman?