It's Shameful to Be a Kept Woman

Women tell me that asking their husband for money feels humiliating. Why providing for the family is a man's natural role, not a favour to his wife.

“It’s shameful to be a kept woman.”

That’s the phrase I sometimes hear from women. They go on to explain that asking their husband for money feels so humiliating and difficult that it’s easier to work and cover their own needs themselves.

Of course, every situation and every family is a unique case, but I’ll still risk putting forward a few general ideas.

1. It’s beautiful and wise when a man provides for the woman he loves himself, and she doesn’t have to ask him for money.

For that he needs to grow as a provider and work on himself. Some men find it easier to push the topic of “fairness” and send the woman off to work.

Those same men later sit in my consultations wondering why she suddenly packed her things and left…

2. There is no such thing as 50/50 in a family. It’s a sick concept that has destroyed more families than you can imagine.

There will be different seasons. When a baby is born, a young mother can be so busy with the child that she won’t even have time to take a shower.

If at that moment the man applies 50/50 and says “work and money are on me, and you’re at home with the baby”, and refuses to help with the little one at all, a relationship like that may not last long.

If we’ve become a family, then all the worries and chores are shared and we help each other everywhere we can. And yes, this is “unfair”.

Then again, from what I’ve seen, there’s no fairness on this earth at all.

3. If your man earns and provides for the family — that’s his natural role, given to him by God. It’s written about in the Bible.

You are not his “kept woman”. To him you are a helper, a muse, support, a source of motivation and a shoulder beside him.

For a sane man, providing for his family properly is HIS basic need. He won’t feel normal otherwise.

So if you, as a woman, work several jobs and try to handle financial matters on a par with him, you drive yourself into a situation where you’ll have no inner resource left to build a relationship with him.

From my point of view, your femininity matters far more than any financial contribution to the budget. When the woman a man loves shows up beside him in her femininity, his own financial ambitions and drive open up very quickly.

I wrote in detail about how this works in one of my earlier posts.

In the “Healthy Relationships” course at the New Lifestyle school we go through this topic in even greater depth and break down step by step how to build a harmonious relationship and reduce financial stress.

Do you agree that if a woman doesn’t work for money but takes care of herself, her family and the emotional warmth at home, she is no “kept woman” at all?