What Matters Most to a Man in Marriage

Respect and sex are a man's two main fuels. Then a third: feelings expressed in his love language. Here's what actually depends on the woman.

In my previous post I wrote about the three fundamental questions every man faces. The answers to them shape his self-esteem and how much he respects himself.

Today let’s talk about what a woman can influence.

For a man in a relationship with his wife, three things matter most:

1. Unconditional respect from the woman he loves.
2. Initiative in sex.
3. That his wife expresses her feelings in his love language.

If a woman doesn’t respect him, it shows. In everything: a raised tone of voice, a dismissive look, a habit of interrupting. She won’t choose her words, she won’t really listen to what he says, she won’t take his advice or ask his opinion.

A man can survive without respect for a while, but there’s no other word for that kind of relationship than agonizing — for both of them.

Initiative in sex. When a man doesn’t feel that his wife wants him, that’s Game Over for him. It eats away at his self-esteem and his basic sense of self-worth from the inside. He’ll most likely slide gradually into porn addiction, or someone else will appear on the side. His shoulders will drop, his eyes will go dull, his financial ambition will dissolve, his attention to his wife will fade to nothing.

For a man, respect and sex are the two main fuels. They give him the resource to develop and grow.

There are five love languages. Read the book if you don’t know them yet. If a man needs words of affirmation from his wife and she buries him in gifts and physical touch, he’ll be emotionally starving. If his primary love language is acts of service and his wife praises him a lot and spends a lot of time with him, again he won’t feel loved. So please, READ “The 5 Love Languages.”

These are far from the only things that affect a man’s state in a relationship with the woman he loves, but they’re among the main ones.

If you want the man you love to want to spend time with you, to want to take care of you and make you happy, make sure you’re putting in the effort on these fronts.

A bit later I’ll write about what a man can do on his side so that his wife is happy with him.

And do you understand your man well? Can you say his logic is clear to you? Are you able to find common ground and reach agreements with him?

Continued in Don’t Interfere With a Man’s Free Will.