What Valentine's Day Teaches Us

On February 14 couples plan time together, avoid arguments and actually listen to each other. The question is why this happens only three times a year.

I won’t dive into the history of this holiday. I just want to talk about what it symbolises today for many people in relationships.

I know there are some hard cases where men don’t even remember the day exists. But for most couples there is a familiar set of behaviours:

1. People prepare for this day and plan something in advance: a restaurant, flowers, sweets, theatre, cinema, something. For many it’s that rare day when the usual four walls are traded for a new place and new impressions.

2. On this day people try not to pick fights but to make the other person happier. Even if a couple has a pile of mutual grievances, on this day they tend to switch on their emotional intelligence and smooth the sharp edges.

3. It’s a day when people plan quality time together. Even if work runs from 8 to 5, most people keep the evening free for conversation and some kind of romantic occasion.

On this day people look at their phones less and into each other’s eyes more. They ask more questions and listen to the answers more carefully.

4. On this day people try to surprise each other and give gifts.

I understand perfectly well that for many people these holidays don’t go that way at all. Some have inflated expectations on such days, and when their partner fails to meet them, it becomes a fine excuse for a fight.

But on the whole, February 14 teaches us a certain kind of attention toward the person we love.

And wherever our attention goes, that’s where the good results show up.

If my attention is aimed at my wife only on International Women’s Day, on her birthday and on Valentine’s Day, it isn’t hard to predict that such a marriage won’t last long.

And you really don’t have to wait for an occasion or a special date to give your loved one quality time. We need emotional intelligence and patience all the time, not just on selected days of the calendar.

Today’s holiday teaches us that when we direct our attention toward the person we love, we get warmth, tenderness and love in return.

All that’s left is to learn to do it not three times a year, but 20-30 minutes every day.

And then, perhaps, our relationships will keep growing, and with every year we’ll feel happier and happier inside them.

Do you agree that if you consistently give time to the people you love and “speak” your husband’s (or wife’s) love language, the family will be a happy one?