Today is September 11. This day changed the course of American history. For us in Ukraine, February 24 became our equivalent.
Today is September 11. This day changed the course of American (and, in many ways, world) history.
I’ve talked to more than one American, and anyone who was old enough to understand what was happening in 2001 remembers that day in vivid detail.
Even I, back when I was a schoolkid visiting my grandmother, still remember those news reports and the smoking towers.
For us in Ukraine, February 24 became our equivalent of America’s September 11. None of us can forget that day. This is what’s called an emotionally significant event.
It’s when you’re confronted with a reality so new to you that the event essentially imprints itself in your memory.
We’re probably never going to fully forget our first school romance, our graduation, a serious car accident, the birth of a child, winning some sports competition that mattered to us, or a partner’s betrayal.
Yes, over time, some details and edges of these events might blur a little, and we might mix up minor moments, but we’ll remember the overall emotional tone.
When people come to me for a session asking, “How do I forget his/her affair?” — I tell them honestly: you don’t. It’s an emotionally significant event, and you’ll most likely remember it.
With the right work, you can stop it from hurting so much, even change how you relate to the event, but fully forgetting it is unlikely.
There are, of course, individual cases where the psyche pushes a very traumatic experience out of memory entirely, but that happens mostly in childhood.
By the way, if you follow people who study psychology, coaching, or something similar, you might have noticed they don’t actively repost difficult, tragic events to their stories and feeds.
That’s not because they’re cold, indifferent robots. It’s because these people understand exactly how the process of re-traumatising our brain works.
That’s when you see a terrifying piece of news on Telegram, then scroll into your Instagram feed and re-experience the same event another 9-10 times through reposts and stories.
Since we’re all adults, you get to decide for yourself what to post on your own social media and what not to. I’m just explaining how it works.
Emotionally significant events in our lives can be worked through, but not fully forgotten. We’re unlikely to forget February 24 any more than Americans can forget September 11.
But the good news is that even with memories and experiences like these, you can learn to live and keep growing.
Our life is shaped 10% by events and 90% by our reaction to them.
Do you remember the morning of February 24, 2022 in detail?