On social media we only see the slice of someone's life they chose to show. Why comparing yourself to others ends in suffering, and who to compare yourself with instead.
Do you compare yourself and your life to other people?
In the age of social media especially, we constantly see someone right there in our feed showing off their success and their good results.
For some people that is a trigger and a demotivator; for others it is the opposite — it inspires them and makes them think.
Either way, when we see that someone else is living a more interesting and happier life than we are, we have several possible reactions: try to devalue the “pretty picture”, be glad for them, get inspired, or, on the contrary, feel disappointed in ourselves.
Personally, when I see someone’s impressive achievements on social media, I am happy for them and I think about how they got there and what I can learn from them. Good results always leave a trail.
But alongside that, I keep a few important things in mind:
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On the internet we do not see the whole picture of a person’s life, only the small piece of the puzzle they chose to broadcast publicly. If we could see the entire picture, envy would probably be the last feeling that would be appropriate here…
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That person and I have completely different starting conditions and abilities. So we can certainly learn and draw inspiration, but there is hardly any reason to beat ourselves up for not being where that person is now. We may have entirely different paths and entirely different destinations.
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It is not wise to compare your results in year one with the results someone gets in year ten of their work.
I have been speaking publicly since I was 19, for 14 years now. It stands to reason that I might be a little better at it today than someone who has just walked onto a stage or sat down in front of a camera for the first time.
- Comparing yourself to other people leads to suffering. Compare yourself to weaker people and it makes you complacent and can feed your pride. Compare yourself to stronger people and you get upset and demotivated.
That is why the only person any comparison is appropriate against is ourselves — but in the past.
If, compared to who we were six months ago, we have progressed and learned something, that is wonderful.
Do you ever catch yourself comparing yourself to someone? What emotions does it bring up for you?
Want to go deeper?
Reading helps, but what changes a life is specific steps, not reading. Fifty minutes of conversation is usually enough to see which steps are yours.
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