Do you ever have moments when you're unhappy with yourself? Here's what had been piling up, and what I decided to change starting September 15th.
Do you ever have moments in life when you’re unhappy with yourself?
The last few months I’ve been in a bit of an “unsettled” state. On one hand, I kept doing the same familiar things out of inertia — things that give me a predictable result. On the other hand, I wanted some real, fundamental changes.
It’s an interesting inner state: you understand you could be living a completely different, much richer and more interesting life, but you keep staying “hostage” to your old habits and decisions.
I put “hostage” in quotes because there’s no objective outside force stopping me from changing my life in any direction. It’s always a fight with yourself.
Each of us is, at the same time, our own best friend and, sometimes, our own worst enemy — depending on whether we act in our own interest or give in to our weaknesses.
Overall, over the last few months I’ve built up a lot of questions for myself and a quiet dissatisfaction with my lifestyle. That includes:
- how I look (gained an extra 9 kg over my “ideal” weight of 88 kg);
- my schedule (going to bed too late, waking up late);
- habits (watching movies and shows in the evening, useless YouTube);
- diet (eating late, too much dairy and refined carbs);
- physical activity (irregular gym visits, not always exercising at home).
There are things I want to start doing (or bring back into my routine):
- working on my writing, including my books;
- learning languages (I currently speak Russian, Ukrainian, and English, and want to add Spanish);
- working with AI (a lot of people around me are making real breakthroughs in their work thanks to AI);
- going for the occasional run outside or on a treadmill at home;
- keeping a habit tracker;
- starting new content lines on the blog — not just the useful-but-dry videos I make now, but more of my actual lifestyle and current events.
That’s not the full list, but it’s more than enough to start with.
On September 15th, 4 days ago, I decided to start working on this.
The first thing I did was start a digital detox. I don’t touch my phone for the first 2 hours after waking up, and I try not to check any chats or DMs for an hour before bed either. I don’t watch short-form content at all — I wrote about that in the blog two days ago.
I gave up eating in the evening and now try not to eat after 7pm.
I started doing posture exercises every day and going for an evening run. I haven’t gotten back to the gym yet, but that’s my next step.
I started working on writing again. I picked back up my book on relationships, and I’ll be writing blog posts little by little.
I spend 10–15 minutes a day on Spanish lessons and try to memorize new words.
I know that when you try to do too much at once, the odds of backsliding are very high. As James Clear, the “godfather” of habit work, puts it: the best way to build new habits is one at a time — make sure one sticks, then move on to the next.
For some reason, though, it’s easier for me to start several changes together, when one area of life (like my routine) starts to support another (like my work or personal growth).
I don’t demand of myself that I stick to the whole plan every single day. If I slip on some days, I’ll try to get back on track the next day. The main rule is: don’t skip two days in a row. That’s a good discipline-building technique too.
I remember once starting to write just one line a day, and it eventually turned into a full year of uninterrupted daily posts. The last 3 months of that challenge felt more like a strain than a joy, so this time I deliberately want to leave myself more room for days when things don’t go according to plan, or when I just feel lazy.
I’d also like to learn to rest properly and plan time with my wife in advance. For a very long time, work took up almost all of my life. That leads to the early stages of burnout and sadness.
I’ve seen firsthand that even doing work you truly love can wear you out and burn you out emotionally if you never pause long enough to actually miss it a little.
I’ll try to show you in posts and stories how this process of changing my habits and my usual way of life is going.
So today is day 5 of my challenge to change my rhythm of life.