An addiction doesn't show up in a single day. It walks into your life in three steps — and every one of them looks harmless.
The way I see it, addictions don’t appear out of nowhere. Certain conditions have to line up first for an addiction to settle firmly into your life.
An addiction is an uncontrolled process that harms a person and that the person can’t (or won’t) stop.
I think an addiction is a serious drop in standards and a sign of disrespect toward yourself.
If I eat properly at home, there is no way anyone could make me eat out of a dumpster.
If I make sane decisions, I’m going to like the way my life looks. Making me start drinking, smoking, playing video games for days on end, sitting in a casino or watching porn is simply impossible.
It’s the same steep drop in standards as switching to a dumpster after eating in a normal, good kitchen.
So how does an addiction that takes literally everything from us get in?
I’ll use alcohol as the example, but it works the same way with every compulsion.
Stage 1. A pleasant ritual
The person has a good job. A family. Friends. Hobbies. Travel. Life is steady and balanced. Every Friday evening the friends gather at a nice restaurant over a glass of wine. They invite him along.
One glass of wine can’t hurt, right?
Stage 2. A habit
Every evening the fridge opens and a few cans of beer come out. For a long time now it has been helping him cope with the stress at work and at home.
When his wife shouts and calls him names, all our hero has to do is reach for a cold bottle of beer, and the stress slowly starts to back off.
Because, in plain language, alcohol puts to sleep the parts of the brain responsible for analysis and critical thinking. Every problem starts dissolving in the haze.
Stage 3. Addiction
The cells of the hypothalamus have physically rewired themselves around the daily dose, and without it real withdrawal kicks in. Until he drinks, he isn’t himself. He’s obsessed with finding the next shot at any cost.
As sad as it is, millions of Ukrainians die as a result of various addictions.
Some smoke their lungs full of holes, some drink themselves under, and some fall into debts so deep they simply put a bullet in their head. Some people watch porn regularly and are sincerely puzzled about why their family is falling apart…
If you want to avoid that kind of tragic script, it’s worth remembering that every catastrophe enters our life gradually. It all starts with one glass of wine once a week. Or one cigarette when the nerves are bad. And really, what could happen from watching porn for five minutes?
But when we take one small step onto the first stage, we’re inviting the rest of the stages in too — just not right away. It always begins very gradually, harmlessly, with no visible consequences.
There has to be an inner emptiness or emotional pain first, against which hiding from reality this way starts to look like a reasonable way out. It isn’t.
The reasonable thing is to deal with the reasons your life is causing you suffering, not to drown that pain in alcohol.
For 17 years I haven’t touched alcohol or cigarettes at all. I don’t watch pornography and I’ve never gambled in a casino. I’ve never used drugs.
To live a happy and full life, these things simply aren’t needed. At first they give pleasant sensations, but the bill that comes later is monstrous.
Are there people around you with addictions who can’t stop?