Our resentment and unforgiveness only hurt us. We are the ones who give life's events too much meaning — and we're the ones who can stop.
How do you manage your emotional state and stay in a good mood no matter what?
If you ask any of us what kind of life we want to live, the answer is predictable: good health, harmonious relationships, financial security, and enjoyment from what we do.
But in reality, a large percentage of people live problematic or even tragic lives. Why does this happen?
From my point of view, there are many reasons, but one of the main ones is this: we very often give words and events in our lives far too much meaning.
The weight of resentment
Has it ever happened to you that for a very long time you couldn’t forgive someone for hurtful words said in the heat of the moment? Or maybe your loved one didn’t support you, or treated you badly, at the hardest moment of your life…
Such events and words often cut deep, and it becomes almost impossible to forgive and let go. It turns into a heavy burden of resentment carried by the one who was hurt.
Our resentment and unforgiveness only hurt us — never the people we chose to resent.
We voluntarily become hostages to a negative situation, not realizing that we ourselves gave it excessive meaning.
Some people try to fight the accumulated negativity through various crutches: alcohol, drugs, gambling, pornography. Some get hooked on medications and stimulants. But the root of the negative state remains, and such “helpers” only make things worse. So at some point a person wakes up sick, in debt, with a broken family, and deep in depression.
My own experience
Often the negative events we go through don’t deserve the sharp, overly serious reaction we give them.
Every day I get dozens, if not hundreds, of negative comments on social media. If I gave that much weight, I would have stopped blogging long ago.
There are just as many problems in my life as in anyone else’s. But I don’t give them excessive meaning, and I focus on what’s working — even if sometimes that’s just 1 thing out of 10.
Sometimes I find myself in a situation where someone treats me “unfairly” or tries to get under my skin. Again, I simply don’t give that person that much power in my imagination.
We control our own meaning
The moment we understand that we alone control and manage what matters in our lives, everything can change for the better.
If a loved one said something hurtful or treated us badly, we have a choice. We can turn it into a catastrophe, or treat it as just an ordinary unpleasant situation that isn’t worth ruining our mood over.
One of the reasons I usually manage to stay optimistic and in good spirits is that I don’t dwell on negative things and don’t give excessive meaning to unpleasant episodes in my life.
What helps me most in this “art of managing your state” is my emotional intelligence. It’s precisely thanks to it that I quickly say goodbye to the dark pieces of my life and move on to the bright ones.